A Unitarian Universalist Joke

Dear Dr. Science,
What was Uncle Ben's rice before it was converted?
from Marlene of Zionsville, IN

Uncle Ben was one of the first Unitarians, a dogma-free religion that pretty much lets you believe whatever you want, and will defend your right to believe it. Before he adopted this remarkably even-handed approach to matters of faith, Uncle Ben was an elder in the Church of the Practically Insane, a mind-control cult that ran a string of Nudist camps in Northern Arkansas and Southern Missouri. The rice connection came from a bet he once made with an agnostic. Uncle Ben claimed he was such a good preacher that he could even convert rice. His attempts to convert a bowl of white basmati rice caused the personal epiphany that led Uncle Ben to abandon his current belief system and embrace the relative tolerance of Unitarianism.